Temporary illness can be like a guilty conscious.
Though it might have not been avoided, you still feel like you could have prevented it. It will live with you though out the whole malaise, stubborn as your will to fight it. And still lingering now in the aftermath. A set back is a set back i suppose. However, it will take a miracle to let it be just a coincidence in the mind of someone who owes his time to those who have no time. And it will take a miracle for those to forgive him who he continually disappoints.
At home I've been listening to quite a bit of Brahms. Seamless, unlabored and erupting. I wish I could speak that way. With finesse and determination. No flourishes, but to the point and well received. My first paragraph doesn't seem like much an effort, but I will continue to try.
But the unity of composition comes from clarity of conscious. Not just a single idea, but a awareness of a singular moments or many moments. Whatever the length and whatever the mode, consistency comes from awareness of your entire self as well as your medium. I understand that this could become pretense for an active waiting. Patience is important, but true work begun " your either on the verge of success or total failure". I believe that what evinces the success is that total awareness of medium and metaphysics.
Now go and be aware!
Music- Brahms- 3rd Symphony- Poco allegretto III movement
-Mogwai
-Grateful Dead- Ripple
Movies-Into the Wild
